“Vocations which we wanted to pursue, but didn’t, bleed, like colors, on the whole of our existence.” – Honore de Balzac, novelist (1799-1850)

 

This topic is kind of hard for me talk to about, as it reminds me of how far I am today from what i wanna be. My destiny remains a staggering frustration.

I currently work as a writer. And as i can say that i have developed a love for my profession, i can’t deny how my heart still belongs to science. It bleeds in me. It was during my second year in college when i realized what i want to do. It was like finally waking up from the mediocre dream i was in. I want to be a doctor… of military dogs. And it’s amazing how i still feel that fire of determination in me whenever i think of this. 🙂

Truly, we live in the consequences of our actions. I could’ve withdrawn from my course then, which was Bachelor in Broadcast Communication, but i didn’t…for several reasons, mainly fear. I didn’t have the courage to tell my parents. So, I let myself believe that, like some people, i am destined for something else, like how big names in Hollywood — Johnny Depp and Natalie Portman — were brought to the industry by chance. I’m delusional like that. 😛

All throughout college, i found myself always harboring in the sidelines. I don’t have that know-it-all attitude back in high school, but i’m not like this either. I’m one of the smart ones. So, it kind of surprised me being outshined by most of the class.

I remember that i used to think, to pacify my offended ego, that it is because i’m not as interested as they are about script writing, film making and so on. But during the last months of my final year did i have the same realization as two years before that. It would’ve been nicer if i did actually try to study. Looking back, i don’t remember learning a lot, i don’t remember listening a lot. I have become great in dallying.

But I’ve grown to be a little more responsible, i observed, when i started working. Sure i’ve made twisted decisions before, sacrificing my dream, but i know i can still redeem my life somehow. I decided to continue the path that i carelessly picked. But as i proceed to walk this devious road will i persist more not to waver. This is how i stand by my decisions.

I never stopped hoping though that, in some ways, i can still use this passion to where it was born for. last year, i applied as a volunteer in PAWS (Philippine Animal Welfare Society). Sadly, i wasn’t able to continue with it. Working at night makes it harder for me to squeeze in extracurriculars. But i’m not likely to give up on it. I’ve been more generous to stray animals. I remain a good pet owner. I know these are such little things, but i put so much faith in them in the hope that one day it can inspire bigger things. Something closer to my dream. ^.^

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2 thoughts on ““Vocations which we wanted to pursue, but didn’t, bleed, like colors, on the whole of our existence.” – Honore de Balzac, novelist (1799-1850)

  1. teary-eyed after reading this. char. live your dream! You still have the chance to pursue it, believe me. don’t let your fear hinder you from achieving what you want…
    Nevertheless, i am sure that it wasn’t the only problem.. $$$$$ hahahha!
    but seriously, aim for it, BG! 🙂

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